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From years of being an athlete, I have dozens of pairs of short, white athletic socks. These socks are wildly comfortable. I would fashion an entire bodysuit out of them, if such thing were socially acceptable.
My fiancée has told me that these socks cannot be worn with business attire. This makes me sad. I’m supposed to wear thin-ass, scratchy black socks? That I have to pull up over my calves? Why don’t I just quit my job right now? Doesn’t seem worth it.
And then I find out, my belt has to match said socks. Now I need a black belt? I’m no Tae Kwon Do master, and I don’t purport to be one. I have to get all dressed up to go to Burlington Coat Factory to find the appropriately colored belt.
I threw away all my blue socks because I didn’t want to buy a blue belt.
I have a drawer full of awesome white socks that I can only wear one day a week. I sit and stare at those socks, wishing I could wear them; yearning, craving, desiring. The scratchy black socks mock me. They know I have to wear them, and they taunt me, slipping down to my ankles at the worst possible times.
I just got the news that my shoes have to match my belt. Wasn’t it the socks before? Surely, the socks and the shoes don’t have to match? Who made this so complicated? Why can’t I just wear white socks with Pumas at all times?
Screw this. I’m going barefoot.
Hey ladyjunks. Did you finish scratching out your eyeballs yet? Maybe that’s just me, given that I live in the Pollen Capitol of the World, Washington, DC. Second only to pulling a Lorax and living among trees all the time, DC is known for its extremely high pollen count. Which maybe attributes to everyone’s constant tears and itchy eyeballs. But that’s neither here nor the three mimosas you had yesterday afternoon.
I wanted to talk about The Hunger Games. Why? Because it’s trendy, and Constance is busy finding me the next two tomes of the book and then is planning to read them aloud to me in my new hammock.
I will issue a disclaimer. Or two, rather. 1. I have not read the book. 2. I will not be divulging any information that would ruin any plot, or whatever.
But I’d say this movie was one of the best I’ve ever seen. The concept is so incredibly twisted, but also mysterious, but also an amazing commentary on our love of reality television (and apparently a world in which children representing their provinces kill each other in an epic battle for…life). Stanley Tucci looked insanely creepy, and everyone had hair like Mugatu. I highly suggest that you see it. Also, Liam Hemsworth, why are you dating Miley? Are you going to get really, really famous and then date Emma Stone instead? I’d like that.
As I sat and watching this bloodbath of a film, I thought a number of things, including – why is the smallest size of Blue Raspberry Slushee 32 ounces? I am going to puke. But in true FFJD style, I learned something that can be applied to the dating realm while simultaneously contemplating whether or not Katniss Everdeen would want to share lunch with me (please?)
Don’t overlook the devoted, nice guy.
I had a date on Sunday with a perfectly nice Jewish boy who I met at a cocktail party last week.
We hit it off at the event and talked effortlessly through the entire night, so no surprise, he asked me out. We started with brunch drinks at a cute West Village restaurant (it was even nice enough to sit outside!), then went over to a bar to shoot pool and play chess (make fun of me if you want, but I scored major points with him for suggesting it), listen to a live jazz band, and then went on a short walk over to Union Square where we got dinner before going our separate ways. It was probably the longest first date I have ever been on – seven hours – and it seemed to go so quickly! I had a really great time with him. Conversation was effortless, there weren’t any awkward pauses, and he didn’t seem at all put off by my personal questions (“So, you’re 30 and still single? Why? What’s wrong with you?”).
The kiss at the end of the night was AMAZING… clearly, he’s done this before.
1. Knock Knock Take out Menu Organizer, $22 2. Jonathan Adler Needlepoint Flask, $98 3. Keg Works Cocktail Bar Napkins, $19 4.Jonathan Adler Universal Smart Phone Dock, $48 5. Stainless-Steel Sharpie $8 6. One Hundred 80 DegreesWelcome to the Club Sandwich Coasters, $10
Hey girls, and boy.
I’m here, sitting atop my FFJD Camel (current mode of transportation now that I got my car) and wondering what color Hanky Panky I will wear six Thursdays from Tuesday. I’m thinking Green, or Blue, something that screams Passover. Are you ready for Passover? Are your relatives meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend or manfriend or guy you occasionally make out with this year? I’ve been there, and done that. You’ll be great, I promise. You’ll break bread (constipating matzah) and sing some prayers and PRAY that you are not the youngest one at the table and have to do the Four Questions. And if it’s Easter instead, in the words of the most Jewish non-Jew ever – “Rabbits Don’t Lay Eggs”. But they do lay delicious Reese’s eggs. I am eating twelve.
All we do is talk about frozen yogurt. Some of us subsist on it (there was a time, and it wasn’t too pretty), think about when we’re eating it next, stick our heads under the frozen yogurt machine in a way that sort of looks like a baby bird, but instead of regurgitated worm its Taro.
I think we can almost chronicle our paths among the swirls, sort of like the rings of a tree (one for sophomore year when you discovered how delicious the leftover Cap’n Crunch is on your vanilla froyo). Frozen yogurt has played a large role in my life, the least of which was my first date, ever. If FFJD were to purloin RENT, we’d measure our lives in frozen yogurt.
A sign from our patron saint, and a response to my telling her I’m mooning my neighbors in honor of her recent Anderson Cooper appearance/her show tonight.
Hello, ladies (and the one guy who reads this site to delve into the female mind and realize that we are just as confused about ourselves as you are),
I’ve been unusually quiet, haven’t I? Did you miss me? I’ve missed me, or rather, I’ve missed you. But it’s only fair, to the readers who have stayed with me through this journey I like to call What the Fuck Are Your 20s. While it initially began as a foray into learning how to date, coming out of the college “hook up phase,” I feel like the site has evolved, as I’m sure have you. I have been dating The NJB for a year now. I met him at an entrepreneurship panel, and I never wrote about our first date, but I will say that it changed my life.
I feel like I’ve gotten away from that kernel. The essence of navigating the world of dating – online, in person, whether you want to date your friend or you have no idea what you want. And it’s not to say that it has to stop once you start dating someone – then there are a whole new set of avenues that you have to discover and are equally as trying and complex.
But the essence of it remains the same – that we all have no clue what we’re doing. I’m just being honest about it.
And I don’t mean in dating – I have lots to say on that subject, but in our careers, with our families (if you’re working out issues, or figuring out how to be an adult apart from them).
That’s what this site is and has always been about – finding myself finding myself and your working on it with me. I really wish there were GPS for it. I think we all do. Sure, your twenties are a fun time to celebrate and figure out if you really ought to upgrade to nice bedding from the stuff you had in college that has the slightest stain from pepperoni. But it’s also a time to figure out who you are, who you want to be, in career, friendships, and dating.
I felt like if I wasn’t posting five times a week, or extremely funny, that somehow it wasn’t true to FFJD. But I’m human, and not a robot. Or Amber Rose posing as a robot in a Svedka ad that makes me uncomfortable but also wonder how her ladyparts can breathe in that full-on Spandex suit.
Here’s the thing – I can’t write FFJD by myself anymore.
I can’t wax poetic about Constance (because she is way, way too busy clipping my toe-nails), and also because – we have to figure this all out together. I will be writing about dating topics when I can (not necessarily every day), and other dating-related content. I was lured by the pop culture allusions, the flash-in-the-pan entertainment. I also would like to touch on issues in friendships, and career, because those are equally as important pieces. And just as hard to navigate, no. As our Patron Saint Bethenny said, “you can have it all, but not all at once”. I think that was before she flashed her ass on Anderson Cooper and it had something to do with dieting. But I also think it’s true.
Yes, I am utterly hilarious and dream up sequences where I am a best-selling author, popping champagne (well, vodka-sodas) on a yacht in France with like three Malteses (I actually am not the biggest fan of small dogs). That much we know, but that’s not me all the time. If it were, I’d be Beyonce. If Beyonce were a Jewish girl in Washington locking herself out of her apartment and hugging a locksmith (last week).
Whether you’re dating someone seriously, or just beginning or date, or have no idea if your Saturday hookup is a regular thing, come here.
You can ask advice questions on Formspring. I’ll be essaying, when I feel like I have something to say. I’m thinking of some new topics, but also, listening.
In the meantime, I might need you guys to do some talking for me.
You can submit stories to Constance@theffjd.com, or post ideas, or thoughts. She is available Tuesdays between 10:27 and 10:30 for erranding. Consider her a TaskRabbit (download that).
Hey there FFJDers,
It’s Meredith. I began this blog as a single girl, graduating from college and learning the world of dating. I am now more grown up – having dated a lot of people, seen a lot of things, and ripened (like a fine wine or fruit or something) into a 25 year old girl who needs a break from her blog. Constance and I are going to do some traveling, and hopefully we’ll be back in the near future.
I love you all dearly, and thank you for reading. This site, after almost two years, has provided endless fodder, opportunities, and fun. But even I, with the word vomit of a thousand suns, need a break for a bit.
Hey guys, it’s Tuesday. Which means you’re probably still recovering from St. Patrick’s Day, or just looked under your bed to find a crumpled green t-shirt that says “Kiss Me I’m Stylish” (maybe that was just the name of our previous FFJD shopping guide). We talk a lot about dating here on FFJD, of course, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t important questions raised about friendships, family, pets, jobs, what have you. In an effort to answer everyone’s tough questions, we’re going to take ones that vary along the spectrum. That means that you can ask away by email (by emailing Meredith@theffjd.com) or by my anonymous formspring.
I feel like all of my friends are getting married, and it sucks. I don’t want to end up alone, and I don’t want to rush into marriage, but I feel this pressure to just jump on this bandwagon. I have like 16 weddings alone in the next 18 months. I’m tearing out my hair, and it’s making me feel like crap.
Katherine Heigl in That Movie With All the Dresses That Nobody Would Actually Pick for Bridesmaids